easy

it feels good to finally finish.
finish my first project with my very first official client.
the end result is superb.

my boss at one of my other jobs asked "who should i pick to replace you?"
my co-worker later turned to me and asked "i would like to do it."
but in my hearts of hearts i know she won't be a fit.
she doesn't have that... er... "umph".
is it her age? her weight? her attitude?

easy.
someone said bliss is reading really hard in the afternoon and knowing that you have a really, really good friend coming over to dinner later on.
bliss.
i don't know how i would define bliss. maybe not having worry-ulcers would be bliss.

tomorrow is my last day at work.
surreal.
ending my life here. beginning it somewhere else altogether.
i'm in a ciggie haze and can't think clearly.

"you have no idea how much you would be missed here." a friend said tonight.
i like to think that would be true. could it be?

fourteen days

fourteen days i have left in this city.
just fourteen.

my world will forever change in that time.
i'm planning a soiree for me.
except, ego maniac musician wants to make it all about HIM.
it's my night, damn it, and i'll cry if i want to.

my stomach hurts.
must be the ciggies.
could be the brownies too.

i wonder what kind of me i would be in d.c.
the me with the short hair?
the me with all my issues?

i can only wonder. and hope. and wait.

not there

when i'm around other women, i feel invisible.
like i'm ugly. like i don't matter. like i'm so foreign the men around me don't know what to do with me.

that's how i felt tonight.
i wanted to "go out". to have that 20-yr-old feeling of a night out on the town.
i must have forgotten i was still in columbus.

the night felt dead from the beginning.
so we go to this spot.
nice food, cool music, nice vibe.
but i was feeling antsy. i wanted to be dancing.

in walks this man in a bright purple suit. tall.
tall suit sits at the table behind us. he starts talking to a friend.
he comes over.
i get up to go look at the paintings. i didn't plan to leave as soon as he came to our table. it just happened that way.

so i return.
he is talking to my two friends, chatting away.
i saw him introduce himself to them. shaking hands, asking names. all formal.
so when i return back to the table, he keeps talking.
i stand, waiting for him to introduce himself. he kept talking.

i immediately decide that he is not someone worth my time.
finally, my friend gets in a word and introduces me to him.
"hi." i said. then i turn to my friends, "ready to leave?"
he looked puzzled. they got up and we left.

here's the thing. it's polite to introduce yourself.
you can't come over to a table, dominate the conversation and then not bother to introduce yourself.
suit guy assumed that he was all-that.
it made me feel invisible. like i was ugly.
it ruined my night.

am i ugly?